The Value of Quality

Perhaps my most enjoyable weekly indulgence in Swaziland is enjoying an ice-cold glass of Schweppes’ Dry Lemon. 

The second most anticipated indulgence is reading Farmer’s Weekly. A South African publication, it is an excellent mixture of technical, market, and political information. It even has a few sections that Mandi enjoys, most notably, The Hitching Post personal ads.

I recently read an article that shared tips for investing in business opportunities in Africa. One of the nuggets shared was that people, even if they are living in poverty, value quality. In fact, it gave several examples of companies that have actually increased the quality of their products when entering into lower per-capita economies.

In Swaziland, we have also seen how people value quality. Let me give you three quick examples from the New Life Homes’ Farm. 

Broilers: Typically, in this part of the world a broiler chicken is grown out for 5 weeks (from hatching until harvest). If taken care of properly, that would yield a bird that weighs 1.8kg (about 4lbs). We have realized that people like a bigger bird and we grow ours out to 6 weeks, weighing 2.2kg (4.8lbs). We charge more, create a more comfortable margin, and make customers happy. 

Pigs: We have made every effort to improve genetics over the past two years. We believe that if we can provide high quality pigs consistently to the market, we will never have a difficult time selling the pigs or demanding a higher price. So far, we have found both to be true. Recently, we have begun to artificially inseminate (AI) some of our stock using semen from top producers. We are excited about these opportunities, even if it makes our current boar incredibly frustrated (as he is temporarily unemployed).

Goats: You probably remember us buying a goat about two years ago, although for more of a hobby than a serious enterprise. Since then, we’ve learned that the market is massive and the supply is low and inconsistent. In many rural communities, there is frequent inbreeding within herds and animal health is poorly maintained. To make a long story short, New Life Homes now has 30 goats, half of which are Swazi indigenous goats (hardy with less meat) and half are Boer goats (less hardy, but with lots of meat). People are clamoring to buy our goats, especially the Boer goats, because of the quality. We sell these goats as breeding stock, which helps rural farmers increase their profitability over time. 

We are surrounded by people who live in poverty. Yet they still have eyes that allow them to recognize quality. The future for these enterprises is bright because we maintain a high standard of quality. The margins are good and the people on the farm (moms, kids, workers) are really excited about the direction we are headed. This is a huge win. Please continue to pray for wisdom and guidance as we seek to provide for these precious children.

Guest Blog: Mission Team Visits Swaziland

This guest blog was written by Rick Tucker of University Covenant Church

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. (James 1:22)

My first trip out of the country was an all-expense paid trip to Afghanistan courtesy of taxpayers and the U.S. Army. While I was there, I spent a lot of time reading the Bible and going to study groups led by Army Chaplains. I remember one series very well. We studied the book of James. The chaplain started the series off by explaining to us soldiers that he saw the book of James as "the gospel in boot leather." That made sense to us. We all knew a lot of politicians and pundits who talked about supporting troops and saving the Afghan people from oppression by the Taliban but we were the ones there, "in our boot leather", taking risks and trying to make it happen. 

A couple months ago I was able to experience the "gospel in boot leather” when my short term mission team was hosted by Tommy and Mandi Bottoms at New Life Homes (NLH) in Swaziland. 

Tommy, Mandi, and guest blogger, Rick Tucker.

 The book of James can be controversial because it spends so much time talking about deeds rather than simply relying on the faith that Paul described in Romans. But, when we visited Tommy and Mandi, I came to a richer understanding of what James described. James wrote, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in the their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) While visiting NLH, I felt as if I had walked into the manifestation of James 1:27. 

Evaluating goats for parasites.

Installing a new mini-greenhouse in the nursery.

If you're reading this, you probably already know about NLH so I'm not going to describe it to you here except to say that it is A LOT more than what you imagine it to be. The NLH staff have a tremendous responsibility. It caused stress for me to just contemplate it, and they do it every day – it’s their life. They are running a commercial farm, a primary school, a children's home, a ministry and a variety of other things all at once. Any of those things is a challenge but they do them all. 

Teaching at the on-site primary school. 

The kids at NLH are a blessing. Each has special gifts from God that we were able to unwrap a little and see during our visit. I thank God that Tommy, Mandi, Peter and Mary Jean Kopp and Tiersa Chaffin have sacrificed the comforts of home in the U.S. to minister to these children in rural Africa. Hearing the children's stories broke my heart and I can't imagine what could have happened to them without NLH. Their gentle spirits touched my heart in a way I did not expect and as I sit with my four children, at home, I thank God for creating and calling such dedicated people to care for 42 children at NLH.

Spending quality time with kids.

It's not just the children that depend on NLH. People from throughout the community have jobs and training because of the opportunities provided by the farm. I met people who had previously worked on the farm and now ran their own farms where they successfully support their families. People ranging from community members to government officials could not stop heaping praise on NLH. Nobody could do all that they do without relying on God and receiving His blessing and they do it with grace and humility. What they do at NLH, their "deeds", demonstrates a deep faith in God. It encouraged my faith to see their actions and still motivates me when I reflect on it.

The short term team, long term team, children, and house mothers.

Please keep all the NLH missionaries in your prayers. They need it. God called them to a big job that makes a huge difference and they have willingly answered that call. Please pray for God's daily guidance of the farm so that they can continue to support the children. Please pray for the generosity, of people who hear about NLH, to support the financial needs that are not being met by the farm's output. Most of all, pray for the people of NLH, the missionaries, the children and the employees to feel God's love and encouragement as they go through their daily lives, that seem routine to them but are so extraordinary to me. My visit to NLH was a life changing and faith growing experience. I pray to someday have the kind of faith that produces such sweet fruit (and vegetables... and honey... and eggs... and poultry... and pork... and beef) as I saw during my short visit. 

Thank you NLH for answering God's call. You are special people. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

Turning to Teens

Winter retreats, spring mission trips, corn-eating contests, small group hang out sessions, and lots and lots of dodge ball consumed a significant amount of our lives while we were working with high school students in Davis. We loved the kids, the leaders, and the activities. We were often as tired as basset hounds at the end of each program. It was (and still is) easy to see how the shaping of one’s Christian faith is critically important during those adolescent years.

While taking a short reprieve in South Africa a few weeks ago, we began to evaluate our ministry here and we noticed a need for people to pour into the high school-aged students, both on the farm and in the community. It may be interesting to note that the biblical knowledge of these kids (even those who are not Christians) is better than the average Christian in America. That being said, their faith may be shallow and riddled with confusing legalistic ideas and infusions from other spiritualistic beliefs. We thought, why not start a youth ministry that meets teens at different stages of faith to share a Christian message that is easy to understand?

These teens play a highly-competitive game of musical chairs.

Recently, Mandi and I, and our colleague, Tiersa, launched Teens For Christ. We had more than 25 high school-aged students come to the first meeting and an equally impressive crowd at the second meeting. It was awesome to see teenagers engage with faith questions and discussions in a way that is both different and inviting. We played games, I gave share a message about Jesus, had some small group discussions, and enjoyed popcorn afterwards.

Teaching about sin.

Lots of laughs, good questions and comments, and a plethora of high fives filled the preschool classroom where it is being held. This accomplishes many objectives of our ministry. It reaches out the community, we get to know the “farm” kids’ friends (like any good parent would want to!) and we form relationships with kids who are in desperate need for attention and affirmation. 

We are currently having Teens for Christ once a month and are looking in the possibility of expanding it to every two weeks. Please pray for this undertaking. Pray especially for relationships to be formed that will allow us to share our faith in a real way. Pray that we would be able to communicate clearly with the teens, and that they would be receptive to what we share. Most of all, pray that kids would come to know Jesus Christ in a personal way.

Developing People and Their Pigs

Things have been hog wild around here lately and we would love to share some great news with y’all. This week we gave Masengwa, our local veterinarian, a lift to KaMfishane, where he works during the week. As we were catching up on all of the local happenings, he congratulated us on be
coming the largest pig farmer in the region. One of Masengwa’s duties is to monitor the movement of pigs in and out of the region while keeping a running census on each farm. 

Being the largest pig farmer in our very small area is not something that will make the front page of the Economist, but it has certainly been a fun and challenging lesson in how to invest in and expand projects. Over the past seven months we have expanded the pig operation more than 300%. We have more than 150 pigs on the farm and we take approximately seven pigs to the market every week. For a plant guy, this expansion in pig production has come with a steep learning curve, lots of prayer, and more than a few frustrating days. However with the help of some excellent staff here on the farm and your support, we have been able to scale-up this project into a sustainable operation that has had numerous benefits to New Life Homes. These benefits include greater income to support the children, more involvement and interest by the housemothers (as noted by their gathering around each sow that gives birth), while providing increased food security for the children we support.

As we developed the pig project and began to work with surrounding pig farmers, we realized that there was a great need to increase the amount of knowledge and sharing of information between homestead farmers and pig production experts. We recently organized a New and Emerging Pig Farmers Field Day on the farm that featured experts from all over Swaziland speaking on a wide variety of subjects such as feeding, animal health, budgeting, recording keeping, genetics, sanitation, and quality evaluation. 

e invited service providers to attend and display the goods and services offered as well as give out many freebies. Government vehicles provided transport from more than two hours away, the house mothers took care of registration and food, while our farm manager, Mthi, served as emcee. Despite a torrential rainstorm that came out of nowhere (it was the only time it rained all winter) we still had more than 75 people attend. It was a great opportunity to train and equip Swazi’s to care for their animals and generate income for their families.    

New Life Children’s Homes is becoming a hub for providing high quality products while also investing in the development of others. I hope this gets you as excited as we are here in Swaziland. The future for many of our agriculture projects is very bright and this will have a direct impact on our ability to serve the New Life Homes children and the surrounding community. We have dreams of continuing to expand and strengthen our existing production. Thank you for your prayers and financial support.

Growing Exponentially

One of the pastors that we have gotten to know while living here always reminds his congregation that living in Swaziland never lacks for opportunities to serve others. So the question that we have faced is not if there is a need but rather, where do we start? One of the things that we talked about before coming to Swaziland was the desire to work with child-headed households, or those households that have not immediate relatives to care for or look after kids. These same kids are often attempting to run a household, taking care of younger siblings and trying to feed themselves all while going to school. What we have learned is that working with this population is very challenging for a variety of reasons and can often leave one quite discouraged. That being said, there are clear exceptions. Enter Alex.

Alex is in Form 5 (11th grade) and has a history on the farm. In fact for a while he is well known in the community not for his many positive attributes but rather one who has no family with the exception of a younger sister. He was a notorious chicken stealer and a trouble maker. Needless to say, it was a surprise to everyone when they saw Alex strolling across the farm nearly 5 years since his last incident seeking help from the resident math teacher. Enter me (Tommy). I began meeting with him weekly and sometimes bi-weekly to

discuss algebra, exponents, and geometry and we began to develop quite a trusting relationship. His marks in math were tops in his class and he even wrote me a poem to show his appreciation. As we continued to meet to talk about math, I began to wonder how and where he gets the food for both he and his sister. I suggested planting a garden and told him that I would supply the seedlings if he put up a fence and prepared the soil. I was ready to be let down as the prospects of preparing a garden from scratch and fetching water I am sure seemed daunting. I returned a week later and was totally blown away. It was AWESOME! 

I was so impressed by his efforts. Along with his onions, Swiss chard, cabbage, lettuce, and beet root, we have made a plan for him to plant 50 more lettuce plants that we will be able to grow and sell to generate some much needed income. I do not know how this is going to go for Alex in the future, but I thank God for putting him in my life and for being encouraged by Alex. Please continue to pray for this project and for Alex. Pray that he is able to continue to perform well in school and can secure a good future for himself.

A recent trip to the beach in South Africa!

On a side note, we are all about presenting factual material on this blog and we steer clear of embellishing. That being said, in the previous blog post entitled “We are expecting” we talked about how our adopted goat was pregnant. It turns out she was just getting a bit fat (a winter cover that seemed to go a bit too far). This week we are letting her run out in the community to meet a nice billy so that we can have a grand-“kid” soon. We are sorry for jumping the gun on that one.

Youth Ministry Swazi Style

Tommy and I recently returned from a youth retreat (where do they get off calling an event like this a retreat, anyway?) with 14 New Life Homes teens. We enjoyed spending time with the kids in a more social setting, and in an environment where we could watch them interact with other teens. Many of the other kids attending the retreat are “city” kids that go to some of the most prestigious schools in the country. We were so proud of how our kids immediately got involved, participated in spiritual discussions, led prayers, exceled on the soccer field, and even indulged in unrecognizable dishes during an eating contest unlike any we have ever seen! 

The theme of the camp was “unstoppable” based on the Philippians 4:13 verse, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Tommy and I both served as team leaders, which meant shepherding a group of approximately 15 young people in everything from an intense water balloon fight to small group discussions. We also taught two devotional sessions. In one session, highlighting the providence of God, we shared our dating experiences that led up to finding “the one.” The kids REALLY seemed to get a kick out of this. Isn’t it funny how kids think it is totally weird/funny/gross when older folks talk about loving each other? Kids in Africa are no exception to this rule. The second devotion focused on God’s strength in the face of temptation, and how “when you are tempted He will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it” (I Corinthians 10:13). We enjoyed sharing some of our life experiences with teens going through the complicated years of adolescence. 

Highlights from the weekend include: 

· A swimming competition where one of our boys forgot he couldn’t swim until he reached the deep end (as further evidence of their impressive confidence despite being orphans!). 

· A talent show that included some of our “farm” boys showing off their dancing skills. 

· Observing how respectful, kind, and helpful the New Life Homes teens are. 

· A “Swazi-style” Fear Factor activity which caused about half the participating kids to vomit. This would not fly in the US! 

· Watching approximately 40 students recommit themselves to living for Jesus. 

Thank you for praying for our time at camp. We still have some follow-up conversations to pursue, and we are still considering strategies for a more structured teen ministry.

Something to Squeal About

The drive out to “the farm” is not for the weak or the weary. After turning off the tar (paved) road, there is a 45-minute jaunt up and down hills and around blind corners that shakes your innards and tests your fortitude. Once you pass through the farm gate, you will be met by a smell that brings you to attention and also provides extraordinary comfort for all those who call the farm their home. It is the smell of pigs. Why are the pigs located at the entrance? According to Peter Kopp, “so people know they have stepped onto a farm.” As if they did not know already. That beautiful stench from the pigs has increased a bit lately and I wanted to give you a sneak peek as to why. 

When we arrived, the farm needed to increase their revenue stream. A natural for me to focus on what I am comfortable with—vegetables. But as you may know, agriculture is about finding and seizing opportunities to fill or create markets. There is a huge market for pork in this country. The supply (quantity and quality) is generally poor and we can easily sell any high quality pork we produce. So we have expanded. A lot. When we arrived there were about 40 pigs on the farm. Today, there are about 120. Though we rear and raise our own, most of these new pigs were purchased from nearby pig farmers at weaner stage (approximately 5 weeks old) and will be grown out until about 20 weeks. We’ve been busy converting some existing chicken houses into pig growing rooms, and have made progress in maintaining pig health and resolving feed issues. For the farm this is a big investment. As you can imagine, as we have been expanding we have also been waiting for the cash flow to begin. It has been a balance of patience and aggressiveness as we work to ensure a more consistent cash flow for the months ahead. While we are not totally in the clear, we are beginning to see the light. The first group of pigs that we purchased after we undertook the expansion will be ready for market next week. Praise God! This has been a team effort—from the local homesteads supplying the weaners, to Mpush, who leads our pig operation, to the kids who work and clean the pig unit—everyone has chipped in. 

We are confident in the direction we are heading but can still use an immense amount of prayer as we continue to move slowly through the development stage. Everyone on the farm is excited at the potential to produce our own value-added meat such as bacon and sausage. Please pray for wisdom in making decisions for this project and for everyone involved—even the pigs! If you were to ask the kids and the moms about the smell on the farm, few would turn away in disgust. A more popular response would be “THAT is the smell of money!”

Making feeders using plastic drums (barrels).

An Adoption

It’s hard to believe we were only here a few months when we found the perfect kid to adopt! Tommy and I recognize our potential to be somewhat negligent parents, so we made our choice carefully. This kid needed to be pretty self-sufficient: able to feed itself, already beyond those troublesome first years, and able to play unattended for long hours. Meet Sidwaba (she’s the one in the middle!). 

Her name (sids-dwa-ba) means nothing to you at home, but Swazi’s recognize it as the traditional goat skin apron that women wear. Some of the workers and moms here have gotten a big kick out of it!

Sidwaba has a purpose here on the farm. We have an incredible amount of grass here. The cattle graze in the pasture, but this grass is too close to vegetable fields to allow the cattle to roam freely. Sidwaba is on a long tether, which allows here to graze and browse while keeping the vegetables out of reach. We’ve quickly realized that one goat is not enough to handle the abundant amount of grass here on the farm. And it turns out when we bought her, we got scored with a two (or three?) for one deal. We recently learned Sidwaba is pregnant! So, there are even more kids on the horizon for us.

Additionally, Sidwaba is a meat goat. We plan to eventually sell her, and make a little extra cash. Goats are a relatively small investment, so she makes a great model for the kids and the workers on the farm. We are considering the possibility of helping some of the kids raise their own goats—they would manage them and keep any profits from their project. The children here, especially the girls, seem quite keen on the idea. 

We are so grateful for the love and support we feel from you all. We will hit our three month mark tomorrow. Although we are feeling more and more settled, we realize we are also entering a season where many new missionaries begin to feel discouraged by their new culture and really feel the sorrow of missing family and friends. Please continue to pray for the relational aspect of our ministry here. It is easy to work, but it is much harder to develop and maintain relationships. 

P.S. Check out the spitting cobra we found a few steps from our veranda! 1.2 meters!

We Made It!

From here on out the blog posts might get a bit more interesting… 

We made it to Swaziland exactly one week ago. We spent our first week reorienting ourselves to Swazi life--including reuniting with kids turned teenagers, meeting many new faces, adopting early bed times, navigating muddy roads and creative driving, defending against countless ants and mosquitoes, and enjoying stunningly beautiful mountains and valleys. Mandi was introduced to the curriculum that she will be teaching and I spent time familiarizing myself with the farm and work crew.We both began to ask many, many questions. To say we are in the “learner” phase would be an understatement. For kicks, we thought you might be interested in what we are doing today. 

Mandi has a school staff meeting in the morning and will be spending the rest of the day preparing for the first few days of class, which starts on Tuesday. She always has plenty of helpers (kids and cows) stopping by her classroom door. 

I (Tommy) will be taking eight pigs to the abattoir early tomorrow morning in Manzini (1.5 hour drive), picking up some feed, and running a few errands. Later in the day I will meet with Mhti, the farm manager, to talk about his vision for the farm in the coming years. 

Please continue to pray for our transition. There are a number of small frustrations we are facing, including credit card issues and minor computer problems, which would be easy to fix in the US but are testing our patience here. Despite all of that, we have so much to be thankful for. The missionaries who we are working with have been awesome in helping us get settled and the kids have come running with open arms. Our stomachs are full and the mornings are peaceful. What more can we ask for? 

Thank you for praying. 

Pair of Ducks

We returned to Davis last night after spending approximately four weeks on the road, most of our time being spent at Mission Training International in Colorado. We are grateful for a challenging and engaging training and God's protection during several snow storms that we forged through during the drive home.

As 40 adults were learning upstairs in the training center, approximately 25 children were receiving similar training downstairs. Although most of our curriculum was different, there were some similarities built into the program. A pair of ducks is something we ALL learned about.

If you say "pair of ducks" fast enough, you'll hear something that sounds a lot more like "paradox." At our training, we learned that many of our experiences can be described by this word. In each "pair of ducks" there is a yay duck and a yuck duck.

In some ways, your heart will be saying "yay!" and it other ways it will be saying "yuck!"—often at the same time.

For example, we just purchased our tickets for the flight over. We leave January 12th. The yay duck in us is thrilled to finally begin this adventure, after much waiting and anticipation. The yay duck is so hopeful in this calling we're received, and we can't wait to see what the Lord will do in and through us. The yay duck says "Let's go!"

The yuck duck in us is experiencing great sorrow just thinking about the loved ones we'll leave behind. The yuck duck want to resist leaving our community in Davis, our careers, and some of our favorite hobbies. The yuck duck says "How can we possibly leave?"

As you can imagine, its a very emotional time for us. This week will bring many goodbyes. Thank you for praying and caring for us in the midst of the yays and the yucks.

Questioning Our Pickers

Most of the time, what seems like a bad idea usually turns out to be a bad idea. It tends to be the same with good ideas. However, there are those rare circumstances when, what seems like a good idea is actually, well, a bad idea. 

One week ago we left Davis and headed to Colorado Springs to attend a 3-week missions training with approximately 40 other missionaries preparing to enter the field (www.mti.org). On our second day of travel—in which we spent most of the ten hours on the road in the beautiful state of Wyoming—we were quickly approaching the Colorado State line and were getting very hungry.

 In search of some good home cookin’, we decided to stop at a local diner instead of hitting up another Subway. We picked the Luxury Diner (the irony will hit you in a moment) in Cheyenne, a restaurant that had more than its fill in character but left us questioning our pickers. 

This fried food frolic left us feeling like we were 8½ months pregnant for the last three hours of the drive. You would think the lesson would be learned, but it turns out we have a history with misjudgment. 

When making the decision to attend this training, we heard awesome reviews from others. We still thought it was a bad idea. How could this be a good idea with a dissertation to write, curriculum projects to finish, and relationships in which we’d like to invest? 

Boy, were we wrong. We do have too much work to do, and we do love our friends and family, but we had no idea how much more we could learn and grow. We are learning a ton about ourselves, each other, and God’s plan for our lives. What seemed to be a terrible idea, turned out to be just what the doctor ordered. 

We’ll still misjudge situations—evidenced by the fact that I (Tommy) took down 20 hot wings the other night and could not sleep a bit. That being said, we are both so thankful that what seemed to be so bad is turning into something that is oh sooo good.

The Mighty Moringa

We were surprised to find out recently that the profitability of the agricultural enterprises that support New Life Homes have changed dramatically since we were there in 2007. At one point, a robust laying hen operation was the most profitable operation that supported the farm. Today, the moringa has taken over the top spot.

The leaves of the moringa tree are incredibly nutritious. They are rich in protein, vitamin A, vitamin B, vitamin C, and minerals. 

Here's a look at some of the nutritional benefits.

Currently, the leaves are harvested, dried, and ground into a fine powder.
Here are some photos of the moringa dryers on the farm.

The drying process stabilizes the shelf-life of the leaf. The powder is then sold at the local market or consumed on the farm. When cooking, ground moringa is added like a seasoning and the nutritional value of the meal is enhanced immediately--and we've heard it's pretty tasty too!

Sometimes the Chicken Doesn't Make it Across the Road

People often ask about what we will eat while in Swaziland. We will eat a plethora of vegetables, a passel of corn and corn by-products, rice, and a whole lotta chicken. Raising chickens has become a very successful income generating enterprise at New Life Homes. Live chickens are sold at markets in the capital city, Mbabane.

Tommy and a few of the farmhands loading up the birds early in the morning.

The chickens raised for meat also are harvested to support the many growing bodies on the farm. Every few weeks the farm is covered in feathers as a number of women from the community help with the harvesting and cleaning of the birds.

Another way chickens are utilized (in a bit less gruesome fashion) is through the large free-range egg production enterprise. The eggs are gathered, cleaned, and packaged on the farm and are sold in grocery stores throughout Swaziland under the much sought after “Likhaya Lemphilo Lensha” or “New Life Homes” label. 

The value of chickens cannot be understated in Swaziland. Whenever you and your family sit down before a heaping plate of BBQ chicken, think about us--it is almost guaranteed that we are having chicken for dinner too. I probably just had to work a little bit harder for my meal!
 

When...exactly?

I (Tommy) was taking a look back at some old journal entries from the first time I was in Swaziland in 2006. My entries were filled with amusing stories--and almost all were overly dramatic. 

I get pretty excited about spending a significant amount of time interacting with the children "on the farm.” Unlike last time we were there, many of the kids are now entering their teen years. Previously, one of the boys that had just turned 13 began to ask me some challenging questions, such as “When are boys old enough to start having babies?” My initial reaction was to respond with a “well… never,” but I assumed he knew which gender actually delivers babies. 

I stopped, took a deep breath, and began to wander into the weeds...talking about marriage and God’s plan. As I began to think that I was in the clear, he came back at me with a, “when…exactly?” 

Oh boy. Sometimes silence is good. This challenging conversation reminds me how the young men of Swaziland need positive male influences in their life-- and that is one statement in my journal that is not overly dramatized in the least.